(See what I did there?) The shit-eating-grinner pictured here is responsible for knicking Jonathan Franzen’s glasses and has got himself some ink in GQ. Where does he go from here? Next up: getting tased at a Tony Blair reading.

“We stumbled across this event whilst in a cab on the way through to Kensington and when stopped at the door, not quite dressed for the occasion, a bit of wavy hand rhetoric was enough to let us through into the private party. We sat drinking excessive champagne for a while and talking to some of the guests there until I realised just how dull it all was. If you’re going to gatecrash a party, the highlight of it surely can’t consist of several predictable nervous speeches and vacuous conversations. So I decided to do something.

I’d mentioned several times to my accomplice how much I admired Franzen’s frames and thought that they deserved to be the subject of a hostage-ransom situation. After getting a pen from the bar staff and some paper I devised a short ransom note and we vaguely mentioned to some of the guests what my intentions were. Without thinking about it for too long, I planned my escape route and then passed the ransom note along to be delivered to the victim once I’d made my move.