Youngish, handsome author, named something like “Jonathan Franzen”, assaulted. Authorities initially stymied. BY LAUGHTER!

Around 8pm, two men, claiming to work for Puffin, gatecrashed the party at the Serpentine Gallery and approached Franzen. One snatched his glasses and escaped, before the other handed the stunned author a ransom note and also fled into Kensington Gardens.

The note read: “$100,000 – Your glasses are yours again!” and left a Hotmail address.

As news spread around an incredulous party, a police helicopter was tasked to search for the thieves, who had fled across the Serpentine. One of them was apprehended hiding in the bushes and Franzen’s glasses were returned to the author unharmed. Press Books m.d. John Bond said: “Franzen got his glasses back and will not be pressing charges as he sees it all as a harmless prank.”