Lesson number one for authors: never respond to a review. Lesson number one for reviewers: when you review a crazy author you’re going to be reported to the FBI.

After Amazon reviewer LB Taylor gave the novel one star, calling it “a sad excuse for romance, mystery, and humor”, she found herself attacked online by one NiteflyrOne – shortly outed by commentors as Candace Sams, author of the novel. With the discussion numbering almost 400 posts, Sams has now deleted her posts. Fortunately, they’ve been saved for posterity by a host of sites.

“Authors,” she wrote, “rarely have full editorial control; rarely do they have even ’scant’ control over their covers or the language used in dialogue or even sequencing of scenes: love scenes, kissing scenes, scenes of violence, etc. These are ultimately controlled by editorial staff…very rarely the author alone.” Oh I see – blame the editor.

And later, in response to another (also negative) review: “It might behoove them to understand that all romances will not read they way they think they should; romances should ‘not’ be cookie-cutters of one another. This has been the biggest complaint about romance on the whole – that they all sound alike. Apparently ’some’ reviewers ‘want’ them to sound alike. When they don’t, they aren’t able to handle the material.”

She then tells the thread that she’s reporting naysayers to the FBI.

Dudes, if I got reported to the FBI for a bad review, they’d say, “Hey, it’s George. What’s he up to now? Oh. Put this one in the little file.” Cause that’s how I roll, bitches.