No. Stop it, you dirty-minded harlot. This is about wizards! Who’s the best ever? Tolkien’s Gandalf or Rowling’s Dumbledore? I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation. And I said to put that AWAY!

Are you sitting comfortably? Then let us begin. Once upon a time, there was a kindly old wizard whose only concerns were pipe weed, hobbits and a gold ring that caused all kinds of trouble. Gandalf (for so the wizard was named) lived happy in the knowledge that he was the greatest wizard of them all. Until, one day, an obscure conjurer who ekes out a living as headteacher of a remote public school found international stardom when a former pupil made it big in Hollywood. And so it came to pass that Albus Dumbledore was hailed by a new generation as the greatest wizard of them all. But which was truly the greatest? Time to put them to the test.