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Updated and bumped AGAIN!
Last day to vote for your Bookninja guest bloggers. Read what’s below and join the madness. MADNESS I TELL YOU! And let me spell it out for you: .
Updated and bumped!
George, George, George… when will you ever fucking learn? Hee hee, you thought. I’ll put up a contest to get someone to do my work for me while I skip off, Scots-Irish free, to the Emerald Isle with nary a care. And now you have hundreds of votes to sift through. See, this is how karma works when the stakes are insignificant. Minor pleasures and minor annoyances. But I digress.
A cursory glance allows me to make this wholly unscientific assertion: it’s a close one, people. The forces of the cat lady rally, but are countered by twitter-enabled crowd of Madam No Apple. Then the sympathy vote ramps up for Johnnyboy only to be stomped down by the supporters of that Masked Menace TUB. But look out now, Elite Peet has made her considerable following aware she’s back in the market for asses to kick, and votes continue roll in waves for each. It’s very exciting in my inbox right now. I’d say you all love me, but I’m aware that you really just love them.
I’d say that each candidate right now has very close to the same number of votes. So, batten down your engines and start your hatches! This is going to be a hell of a race. Read the entries below and vote for your THREE top candidates ! It’s much harder for me to collect results from the comments section, and given that the UN refused to supervise my vote count, you don’t want to piss me off or I’ll get all Ahmadinejad on your asses.
May the best ‘Ninjas win. (PS, God bless the three of you who included a “please don’t go, George” message with your votes. I know. I know. But we need this time apart in order to grow. I promise, things will work out. Shhhh. Don’t say any more. It’s not you, it’s me.)
Original post:
As previously promised, I herewith post several finalists for the position of Guest Blogger on Bookninja from July 2 to July 16. Five lucky winners will get to do my work while I’m away in Ireland, running Bookninja as they see fit: whether as a commie hippy love-in or with a dystopian iron fist. Who can tell what’s to come?
Your job now, dear Reader, is to pick your top three bloggers from this list. . The top vote-getters will become the bloggers you read for the first two weeks of July and will be showered with adoration and tshirts (or, alternately, silence and thongs). This Friday I’ll announce the winners.
Lisa Peet
I would be an excellent guest blogger for Bookninja! Up until five days ago I was a regular blogger at Readerville, but now they’ve closed up shop and I’m just twisting in the cyberwind. I really enjoyed doing it, and have been thinking all week about ways to keep that momentum going — so your notice was a total Oh Snap moment. Aside from reasons that matter to ME, 1) I’m dependable, and will burn the midnight oil until I get a post up — I take my responsibilities seriously to a geeky degree; 2) I’m up to the minute on literary news, via a million RSS feeds and Twitter; 3) I’m an editor by trade, so I can turn a nice sentence and catch typos; 4) I have an interesting, fairly oddball sensibility, and like to find off-the-beaten-track connections within an item rather than just regurgitate the news of the day; 5) my voice is friendly and accessible and while it’s definitely my own, I do get the idea of keeping the general style of the blog consistent (I won’t swear unless you say I can, no pictures of my cats, etc.) — and I already read Bookninja, so that helps; 6) I’m super diplomatic and Work Well With Others; 7) I’m funny. My posts are all still up at Readerville, so those can speak for themselves.
Bronwyn Kienapple
Like you, I have a dark sense of humour (and perhaps a healthy bitterness) that contrasts nicely with my fervent love of all things book-related. I have been a dedicated Bookninja reader for the past year and am familiar with the format and flavour of your posts. I’m excited to work within that framework to let loose my own ninja skills (though my skills do not involve nun chucks or black costumes but would probably resemble Buffy the Vampire Slayer in action). I am a whore for trolling the internet for book-related news, especially blogs like Gadget Lab, Gizmodo, Bookslut, Maud Newton etc. I work within the book industry (that means I am continually exposed to what’s new and happening, though please be advised I have no ‘agenda’) and I run my own blog and wrote for the Varsity newspaper for four years, so I know how to string a sentence together. That said, I am a lover of the printed page, first and foremost. I promise to defend your blog with honour and snarkiness.
Robert Weirsema
Why should I be left in charge of the esteemed halls of Ninja Academy while you’re away? Dude, I totally got the place cleaned up, ushered the hookers out AND got your Faberge egg back from Guido the Killer Pimp the last time!
Oh… wait. I wasn’t supposed to mention that.
Um…. hmm… Valuable multiple perspectives (as writer, reviewer, bookseller), proven writing abilities, inherent bitchiness, and I thought the audition went well…
Heather
Why should you pick me? I’m a girl, I’m 31, I’m single, I write short stories, and I have cats…so it goes without saying that I read a lot. I like books. I like conch shells. I wear glasses, so it’s conceivable that we could start a small fire if all hell breaks loose while George is away and Bookninja guest bloggers form the last small enclave of civilization amidst the chaos raging all around us. I’m also a fan of the Oxford comma. If selected, I can promise sentences that are carefully, thoughtfully, and particularly crafted. It’s my sincere hope that guest blogging on Bookninja will open a new world of book-related debauchery that I’ll someday reminisce about in an interview…on Bookninja.
Plus the cats want me to write for Bookninja.
Gauthaman Ravindran
Dear Bookninja Editors:
The position of Bookninja Blogger, albeit temporary, is highly coveted. I understand that the zombified James Wood, lips still glistening with cerebrospinal fluid, has cast aside the skull of some luckless author to hunt and peck an application to join your black-clad critical assassins. From her Fortress of Inquietude in Wingham, Alice Munro has trimmed the nib of her fountain pen, ready to scribe her application onto a strip of parchment that will affixed to the leg of a red-eyed blackbird. Whereas my competitors can plead their cases with armies of laser-eyed limping robots, or the immense eye of a beached, sucking squid, I have no great qualifications, except that I love books, type tolerably well, and will deliver a cash bribe, via the Internet, provided cash can be transferred via the DVD drive of a recalcitrant lap-mounted difference engine.
Sincerely,
Gauthaman Ravindran
Jonathan Shipley
There comes a time in a man’s life when he says to himself, “I want to be a ninja.” Now is my time. The past year has been very trying for me, what with the divorce, the house being sold, the baby in my ex-wife’s belly that wasn’t my own, the move away from the place I loved, the laptop I ruined a week after buying it, and so on and so forth and it got me to thinking long, hard, and deep – I want to be a ninja. So, perhaps a different career path is in store for me in July if I’m a guest blogger for Bookninja.
Sarah Statz Cords
Hello:
I think I deserve to be chosen as a guest ‘Ninja during the month of July because I have to share my birthday with Thomas Friedman (July 20), and I feel that the universe owes me some small compensation for this indignity. The chance to post during the actual month of said indignity seems to indicate that fate wants you to choose me. Although, asking the universe to engage in this free trade, compensating me (handsomely; with t-shirt AND thong) here in the U.S. for a blog produced in Canada, makes me feel rather uneasily that perhaps I should re-evaluate the writings of Thomas Friedman.
But I’m not going to.
Thank you,
Sarah Statz Cords
Julia Evanczuk
Hello! My name is Julia. I’m a recent NYU grad, even more recently relocated to Vermont, and I’ve been writing all my life. I like to write stories about the weird and uncouth, such as voyeuristic monsters or girls who explode and put themselves back together again. I am not, admittedly, a published author…but that’s because I haven’t actually submitted any of my fiction for publication yet. I love to read, and my fascination with the book industry has mounted to a near-obsession. I would love to be one of your guest bloggers in July. Not only am I the wittiest banterer that ever bantered, but I also already have experience sifting through book news on the Net on a daily basis for my own blog, Lit Drift (www.litdrift.com). Aaaand! I am gainfully unemployed. Which, while this is more than a little unsettling for me, is good for YOU because this means I have all the time in the world to dedicate to Bookninja. I’m excited to write for a
blog I already visit regularly and enjoy–and I’m also excited for the skanky swag. I wear a size M thong, thank you.
Menachem Kaiser
Easy — I’m a full-blooded, toque-wearing Canadian who already does this all day on the New Yorker’s Book Bench. And you wouldn’t believe what we pass over sometimes…
I salute you, BookNinja.
Menachem Kaiser
The New Yorker
The Unknown Blogger
As your logical replacement, I plan to abuse my power as a tastemaker to advance an agenda of chaos and anti-establishment vitriol. Plus I will link to pictures and videos of kittens.
Do not deny me.
TUB
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June 23rd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
I guess this answers the question of who gives a fuck about the Oxford comma… people have been wondering.
June 23rd, 2009 at 12:11 pm
No slagging the other contestants, Roberto. (I also love, adore, and worship the Oxford comma.)
June 23rd, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Oh, it must be Heather with the cats and Oxford comma, although we like to think of it as a serial comma in the lower states, which is to say U.S. Fortunately, we still think of cats as cats and Heather as Heather. And fortunately for all of us, Heather (with the cats) has that rare quality in blogging, empathy. Oh, do chose Heather.
June 23rd, 2009 at 12:27 pm
That wasn’t slagging — that was an appreciative nod to a pop-culture touch-point.
June 23rd, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I see. Glad you’re with us. So Rob votes for Heather…. :) I think Rob applied out of good natured fun, and he’s welcome to come back and blog here anytime, regardless.
June 23rd, 2009 at 12:33 pm
(checks for password)
(goes in search of appropriate LOLcat)
June 23rd, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Holy Hell. Well, I’m voting for the gentleman who plans “to abuse my power as a tastemaker to advance an agenda of chaos and anti-establishment vitriol.”
But the rest of you should vote for me.
June 23rd, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Mr Wiersema,
Your “nod” was perhaps too slight for the bookish crowd (our glasses are thick and we avoid eye contact of any sort). Perhaps your comment soaring over our collective heads is more a product of our poor posture than our lack of knowledge about what them damn kids are listening to these days. Please keep your music references firmly entrenched in the Lisa Loeb back catalogue.
John.
June 23rd, 2009 at 5:58 pm
I vote for Lisa. Sounds friendly and level-headed. I would like to sit down and discuss books with her.
June 23rd, 2009 at 6:46 pm
I vote for Heather.
June 23rd, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Bronwyn has my vote!
June 23rd, 2009 at 7:01 pm
I vote for Sarah. I’ve read her blog for a few years, and her humor and sarcasm is perfect for your site.
June 23rd, 2009 at 7:08 pm
bronwyn for most awesome bookninja blogger!
June 23rd, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Without a doubt, it’s Heather!
June 23rd, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Oo! I’m a finalist! I’m so excited!
June 23rd, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Bronwyn has my vote!!!
June 23rd, 2009 at 7:37 pm
You mean this Robert?
[see link above]
You’re welcome!
June 23rd, 2009 at 7:45 pm
I’m spoiling my ballot. Long live King George!
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Heather for me!
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:21 pm
It must be this Heather person. Single… short stories… cats… commas. That’s my vote!
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:49 pm
My vote goes for Julia!
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:49 pm
H E A T H E R.
If not for the cats, then for the zombies. Confused? You’ll see.
June 24th, 2009 at 1:20 am
As a fellow toque wearer….I’m gonna vote for Menachem Kaiser
June 24th, 2009 at 2:47 am
i vote for julia shes awesome!
June 24th, 2009 at 6:59 am
My vote is for Julia, because who doesn’t appreciate voyeuristic monsters?
June 24th, 2009 at 7:39 am
My vote is for Bronwyn – c’mon honour AND snarkiness, what more could you ask for?!
June 24th, 2009 at 7:41 am
The Unknown Blogger sounds pretty cool. I am voting for him.
June 24th, 2009 at 7:42 am
I never even heard of this blog until my friend asked me to vote for him. I can’t say who he is, but let’s just say his initials are TUB.
Stacy
June 24th, 2009 at 7:56 am
My vote goes to Bronwyn Kienapple – her blog is wonderful and with a name like that, how can you go wrong?
June 24th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Heather!!
June 24th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Vote early, vote often. Heather. Please.
June 24th, 2009 at 9:03 am
I tilt my Toque to Menachem!
June 24th, 2009 at 9:07 am
Oh, Heather, at 31 I doubt much that you are a “girl.” Note to women: it’s 2009. Can we move beyond infantilization?
June 24th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Bronwyn has my vote!!!
June 24th, 2009 at 9:41 am
My vote goes to Julia Evanczuk of litdrift.com, without a shadow of a doubt!
June 24th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Heather gets my vote.
I mean I would have voted for Robert but doesn’t he realize I was the one who paid for those hookers he ushered out?
June 24th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Dave, dude, does that SOUND like the sort of thing I would overlook?
June 24th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Nicole — it’s 2009; can we move beyond the need to try to dictate how people describe and view THEMSELVES?
Cuz sometimes I’m a boy. Sometimes I’m a man. Sometimes I’m a pasty, thick, almost middle-aged rock geek.
But you know what? How I choose to describe myself is really my decision. And I extend that courtesy to everyone.
June 24th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Bronwyn gets my vote!
June 24th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
“I know. I know. But we need this time apart in order to grow. I promise, things will work out. Shhhh. Don’t say any more.” ?
Really? Dude, you need this time because you’re starting to sound like a sparkly vampire and not a ninja. For one thing, I heard that.
June 24th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Menachem Kaiser gets my vote. I heard he’s as dreamy as he is a great blogger!!
June 24th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Robert Wiersma, boy, you rock.
June 24th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
I can hardly stand the excitement!
Also, if it helps any in my favor, I’m finally dealing with my failing eyesight and getting glasses. So soon I shall be a member of the bespectacled elite! Which, as we all know, are very brainy and know a very great deal about books.
June 24th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
This Kaiser guy sounds like a born blogger.
He already secured my vote when I read his
piece in the New Yorker.
June 24th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
I vote for the unknown blogger, if only because, if chosen, s/he will likely reveal clues as to identity.
June 24th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Sigh. Boys will be boys.
June 24th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Lisa. Totally. She has cats too but you notice she doesn’t make a big deal of it.
June 24th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
You know what? I think these guys are all fine would-be ninjas. All of them.
That said, I’m writing in Robert Wiersema. If only because I already have two weeks’ worth of drunken naughty puns on that last name. Which is the point, after all.
June 24th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
Meh. How easily that flows from his lips: “It’s not you, it’s me.” Also sounds vaguely familiar.
Bring on the new blood!!
June 24th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Cripe– wiersema’s on your existing list? Shows how much damage has been done to the ole short-term mem, and just blueballs my plan for a write-in coup. Hey Jackie, commenter 49… Ninje much?
June 24th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
I vote for Bronwyn.
June 24th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
i vote for Julia Evanczuk–she’s incredibly talented!!
June 24th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Brownyn, Heather and Robert in THAT order, email sent !
June 25th, 2009 at 12:10 am
1.Bronwyn Kienapple
2.Robert Weirsema
3.Heather
June 25th, 2009 at 7:52 am
Kaiser’s writing is so damn clever. I wouldn’t read anyone else if I had a choice. MK has certainly secured my vote
June 25th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Book Ninja, Menachem kaiser’s new yorker blog is getting hot-he was on page 6, he’s totally out there- hand down he should be everyone’s vote!
June 25th, 2009 at 8:25 am
This Kaiser guy is not only one of the greatest writers out there, but he sounds like the hottest guy.
Man, what I would give to see him in his toque. My vote is for Kaiser!!! (call me you hot canadian!)
June 25th, 2009 at 10:09 am
I tried the link, but due to the fact that I seem to have issues communicating with the IT dept at my work, I don’t have a “Novell” account ans so here I am unable to do the only one thing I have ever wanted it for! My votes: Lisa, Bronwyn, Menachem.
June 25th, 2009 at 11:32 am
I vote for Sarah Statz Cords.
June 25th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I vote for Lisa Peet!
June 25th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
I’d like to vote for Sarah Statz Cords
June 25th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
I definitely would look forward to reading a blog by Julia!
June 25th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
My vote is for Kaiser. If I knew how to use this new age blogging contraption, I’m sure I would love his stuff.
June 25th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
I vote for Sarah Statz Cords. Hers is the only book blog I religiously read every day (besides my own). Heck, I even read her blog when I don’t have anything to post.
June 25th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
I vote for Heather. We can’t upset the cats now can we?
June 26th, 2009 at 2:15 am
L*I*S*A – Lisa! – yea.
June 29th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Heather’s got my vote!