Now THAT’s got to be a pisser of an embarrassment. Imagine fending off the critics of teh world only to getting nailed by your mother. This reminds me of a phrase that came up regularly during my days working for a private school in Italy (much less profane in the original Italian than in English here), which translated roughly to “it’s like getting fucked in the ass without butter.”

Michel Houellebecq is a literary icon whose novels have been acclaimed by critics as the cruel illumination of a troubled era.

But France’s most celebrated and controversial contemporary author could be pushed off his pinnacle following an astonishingly vitriolic attack from a critic with a unique insight into his oeuvre.

She is his mother – and she is threatening to knock his teeth out with her walking stick if he mentions her again in one of his works.

In a book of her own to be published next week, Lucie Ceccaldi depicts the cult writer as an untalented social climber whose ego is only matched by his dishonesty.

Speaking as someone who knows about insane mums, I have to say: Dude, run into the basement and lock the laundryroom door, then crawl out the window into the back yard and run for your Toyota pickup. Someone on the next concession line will surely lend you the five bucks gas you need to make it to your buddy’s place in North York, and then you’re free. Free as a gypsy.