Oh, gee. It’s like I started this site five years ago just to get to today. It’s as though every smart-assed remark for the last thousand days has just been a workout for the title match. Sniff. And here it is, The Day, and I’m simultaneously all nervous and verklempt. Okay, breathe, Ninja, breathe… Ffoo ffoo ffffooooooohhh. I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry, so just relax into it and go with the normal flow: 5 seconds of thought, 10 seconds of writing. You can do this.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the George W. Bush Library:

• Hop On Pop
• defence debriefing notes taken on the back of carefully peeled Schlitz labels
• a complete 2000-2008 run of Maxim Magazine with White House “received” stamps
• 344 instructional stickers from Laura’s Xanax prescription
• a series of hand-drawn cartoons showing Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wearing a turban and explosive vest mostly with the caption “Ayatola Assahola”,
• a selection of Jenna’s most redacted report cards
• the ashes of the paper trail that sprung him from active duty during Viet Nam
• and of course, The Pet Goat

All this and and some peanut shells piled in a Katrina aide carton and left on the floor of an empty postmodern warehouse designed to represent the unfulfilled promise of an America the world used to love to hate, but now mostly just hates. Phew. A bit of a let down, after all, but I can pretty much quit now. See ya!