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January 24, 2008

Romancing in the Land of Heat Stroke

Mills and Boon are setting up shop in India, as any smart business would. Man, I seriously hope at least one title recreates that scene where Mola Ram totally rips that guy’s heart from his chest and it’s, like, still beating and everything, and the guy’s still fucking alive, dude, and then, like, it bursts into flames in his hands and the guy gurgles and dies right there while everyone’s JUST CHANTING and shit like a pack of Tom Cruises at a Clambake, and Indy’s like, Fuck, this is going to be some SERIOUS SHIT man, and then suddently he’s fighting the only guy in India over 90 pounds and it’s, like, SO ON because he can’t pull that same non-chalant gun shit like he did in Cairo, bro, and then he gets that look that says, I’ve got a totally bad feeling about this, JUST LIKE HAN SOLO, because that’s just about his complete range as an actor, and then POW! the big guy, who apparently uses his hands like hammers to mine for magic stones is on him, and Indy just keeps taking it, bam bam bam, like the world’s most rubber archeology dude, and then suddenly he makes the guy drop a rock on his own head, waa waa, and then he’s achey and cut up so bad even water hurts, and in need of some TLC, so he finds Kate Capshaw, the only blonde woman in the country at the time, and gets his shiz on EVEN THOUGH HE’S JUST HAD THE CRAP BEAT OUT OF HIM. Now THAT’s romance, bro.

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8 comments on “Romancing in the Land of Heat Stroke”

  1. Paul says:

    Okay, George, how long did it take you to piece that bit together with your finger on the pause button?

  2. George says:

    S’all memory, dude. I haven’t seen the movie in 20 years, but there are some things you can’t unremember. Stephen Hawking has particle physics and a near complete theory of everything, while I have the complete works Harrison Ford. Sigh.

  3. Paul says:

    Oh, dude. That means you have “Hollywood Homicide” with Josh Hartnett stuck in your head. I am so sorry, man. I had no idea. How much time do you have left? Where do we send cards and flowers?

  4. Bourgeois Nerd says:

    Have you been spending time in a frat house, George? All the “dudes” and “bros” are concerning me.

  5. George says:

    Don’t harsh on the bros of Alpha Beta, Poindexter.

  6. Monica says:

    i love harrison ford. Don’t you be dissin my boy.
    I saw empire strikes back and indiana jones 13 times each at the drive in…..

  7. sj says:

    Thirteen times at the drive-in? C’mon, you weren’t watching the movie . . .

  8. Monica says:

    well…. i’m not sayin

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