Well, the time has come, the Walrus said… The first ever Bookninja Office Haiku Competition has a winner, and new Tshirt owner, as well as three runners up and two honourable mentions. It was an extremely tight race in the end, as you will see, and many voters expressed frustration at only being able to pick two poets. A few even blatantly disregarded orders and boldly chose to include three or four or even five favourites. Bravo on the huevos muy grandes, amigos. The winners after the jump.

First and foremost, I’d like to thank you all for entering. I was surprised at how good they all were. It was a ton of fun and I hope we can do this kind of thing again. Now to the winners.

Well, as I said, the competition was extremely tight. One vote separated three contestants. The first runner up spot is a tie between Elizabeth Bachinsky and Jennica Harper, each of whom received only one vote fewer than the winner, M. Black. Second runner up was Doug Stuart and two honourable mentions go to Anthony Gelveais and Tammy Armstrong.

Ninja Black, send me your address and Tshirt choice from the Bookninja shop and I’ll have them deliver a Garment of Coolness +5 (+7 vs. blue dragons) to your door.

Winner:

Boredom ricochets
Softly off of fabricked walls
Almost waking me

-M. Black

First Runners Up:

Every day, I take
The number 7 Dunbar
to work. Smells like pee.

*

Dear employee, due
to a change in infrastructure
we’re letting you go.

You’re letting me go?
I don’t think so. Not this year.
See my shop steward.

*

Socialist asks: of
my two jobs: one paid, one not,
which should I prefer?

Capitalist says
A job with no pay…sounds great.
How do I hire you?

-Elizabeth Bachinsky

Joy! Celebration!
I will sleep tonight knowing
I met the milestone.

answering the phone
we try to sound cheerful, like
we are not in pain

The sign on the door
says meeting in progress. But
this is not progress.

cleaving my pale breasts
a fiery identity
on thick red lanyard

-Jennica Harper

Second Runner Up: 

My job is pointless.
I don’t do a thing all day.
No one notices.

-Doug Stuart

Honourable Mentions:

Accused of killing
the office jade plant with spite,
my boss memos me.

I drink black coffee
my boss at the door:
you get my memo?

I owe two dollars
for the weekly coffee pool,
twenty-five for the plant.

I have not emailed
regarding the office jade:
this staff is a team.

Today is Thursday.
I think it’s Friday: wear jeans–
subordination.

Dead plant, old coffee,
memos for staff softball games:
not a team player.

-Tammy Armstrong

Project Manager
My job, so they say and pay
9 to 5, thank God.

Delete my email
Like a good office Stalin
Free-cell or solitaire?

Sartre was correct
Three meetings in a row
No Exit, all is hell.

-Anthony Galveias