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| Hearsay: |
Why are people so rude in libraries these days? It’s the kids. I blame it all on video games and D&D. Oh, that and their parents who in lieu of parenting — ie. establishing boundaries and the groundwork of a moral structure — have decided their impulse towards a selfish “me! me! me! memememe!”-lifestyle can be counteracted by extending the same philosophy to their children with a mighty, spoiling “you! you! you! youyouyouyou!”
SOMETIME IN the ’80s, I sat at a table in the town library in Lenox, Mass., doing my eighth-grade algebra homework. A man, probably about the age I am now, appeared in front of me. He wore a short-sleeved dress shirt and knit tie, both of unfortunate shades and textures no longer in active circulation, as well as a look of perturbation. “Excuse me,” he said. “That pencil is making an awful lot of noise.” I apologized. I may have even blushed with shame. I put a legal pad under my homework, and he returned to his task, frowning over a worn set of local census tables. I caught his eye, and he nodded to indicate that now, indeed, we had achieved that blessed thing called perfect silence.
Sometime last week, I sat in a cubicle, in a lovely library in one of Los Angeles’ leafier suburbs, writing. Pardon me, I should say that I was trying to write, because close by, a girl in a Hollister LOVE sweatshirt shrieked into a pink Razr: “I’ll call you later. Look, I swear I will call you in like, one second!” Another girl, also in a Hollister sweatshirt, chatted animatedly to her friend: “So, I talked to my cousin Nicky, and you have to listen to this. Shut up! Guess who he has a crush on! Shut up! Guess!” She named the person. Her friend smacked the table in disbelief. “Shut up!” “Excuse me,” I said, turning around, smiling what was admittedly not a particularly nice smile, “Do you guys think you could be quiet?” Let’s just say that no one blushed.
See, “shh” just doesn’t cut it anymore. You have to fight rudeness with rudeness and say, “Listen, shut your fucking cake-hole before I tear you a new asshole, asshole.” If that doesn’t work, turn over the table, rip your shirt and scream, “You want a piece of this, mofo!?” Of course, this is assuming UFC fighters or teens with handguns don’t spend much time in libraries. (The owners and staff of Bookninja remind readers that this site employs satire and parody in attempts to comment on literary and publishing culture. Bookninja.com does not condone the use of aggrivated assault in settling library disputes, nor does Bookninja.com or it’s related individuals accept any responsibility for any injuries or loss sustained during the negotiations of personal relations between library patrons.)
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April 10th, 2007 at 9:29 am
You know, I don’t think she needed to say “rich” in the final sentence. Does she really think poor people are the ones bellowing about their trips to Britain and France in the stacks? Or wearing designer jeans and obsessively checking voice mail? It’s always fun to see a writer give away her biases.
April 10th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Blake,
You’re right, it’s a very odd way to end it. Hollister doesn’t come cheap! These are clearly children of some privilege.
April 10th, 2007 at 5:36 pm
It is not only the juvenile patrons. I have had many run-ins with noisy staff.
April 10th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
in my little town, the library went to hell went they installed TVs, in the main “reading” area, squawking with daytime drivel. So now the whole place is not a library but a f*ing daycare centre for the young and the stupid.
Sigh.
April 10th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
I was recently in Manhattan and had a major swoon over the NYPL in the Upper East Side. Long oak tables, entire rooms full of interesting, obscure books (every map of NY you could ever want in one room) and SILENCE. I think that was what impressed me the most. Gawd, I wish I could go work there, because quiet it ain’t at my local TPL.
April 10th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
There’s a great scene in Russell Smith’s “Muriella Pent” at the opening of a new library branch.
April 11th, 2007 at 7:57 am
Yes, I love that scene in Smith’s book. I actually quoted part of that scene recently in my blog. Apparently the comments made by the poet in the book are based on comments made by Jane Jacobs (Smith mentions this at the end of the novel)
http://storms.typepad.com/booklust/2007/03/random_readings.html
And it’s true…the days of quiet are definitely over for libraries.
April 11th, 2007 at 9:21 am
I used to go to the toronto reference library to work, because it’s a great place that inevitably had a copy of whatever I wanted to consult – and I mean like minor french 19th century writers – but stopped when they started using loudspeakers to announce upcoming events every fucking half hour. It’s louder than a starbucks in there now.